You guys don't have to read this, I'm just letting out a pool of emotions.
Ten years is too long. At this time 10 years ago, I’ve met incredible people who have impacted my life one way or another. To think that I was just some spoiled, emotional kid that grew up to be an adult; and by that, I mean a normal person. I’m not going to lie, having to pay for your own bills suck, but this is a life I am actually happy with. Why? Because I have a good job, I’m chasing my dreams (which is a daring move, according to my parents), I’m married to a man I love.
Enough about the NOW. This is more about why I’ve grown to be the person I am today, and that takes place ten years ago. This time, ten years ago, I met friends that actually acted a lot better as friends compared to my other friends at the time. There were these two guys I became very close with. Let’s say that we were the “Ed, Al, and Winry” of this community. Let’s just refer to them as Ed and Al for now. We all became friends around the same time, and every night was a good night. There was something special about Al though. It felt as though we were the same person, except not really. Al would always be there when I was upset. He would always be there with opens and refused to go bed until he knew I was okay. Then I began dating Ed. Of course that relationship didn’t last long, nor was it a really good break up. Again, I turn to Al for comfort.
Most people saw that Al and I were falling for each other. To be honest, I really didn’t see this until a few years later. I mean, he was in one relationship, and I was in another by the time people were pointing out that there was chemistry there. And of course, just like every teenager who does stupid things, I get grounded. Thus pulling me away from my friends. A few people will remember that I would beg my other friends to let me talk to these specific friends. Sometimes I would have luck, other times I wouldn’t.
When my family and I would go on vacation, my thoughts would always focus on Al. I was constantly always wondering if he was doing okay, or if he even missed me. Eventually I had contact with all my friends again, but I was sad to see the one person I really wanted to be there disappearing. I cried. He came around again with a very sweet message, and I thought things were going to be like how they used to; but, good things always come to an end. He had got in trouble, for reason I am not allowed to say. Because of that, I separated from my best friend, whom I was starting to realize I had feelings for.
By the time he came back, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t believe he was back. I was really nervous, but one of my bestest friends at the time, Kylie, encouraged me to not be afraid. So, I took that to heart, and I talked to him. It felt as though he never really left. I knew that if I didn’t say anything, then nothing would happen. So I took a leap of faith, and told him I felt. Turns out that he had feelings for me long before I even realized (Actually, it was when everyone else saw). We officially became a couple. I feel like it was happiest I ever felt. Again, good things come to an end.
He of course got himself in trouble again, for reasons I am not allowed to say. Thus separating us again. I felt like I was in the middle of a nightmare. A few weeks later, I got an email from him, and it was an apology email. I knew he still loved me, because if he didn’t, he would of never sent that email. He didn’t want me to wait for him, but I did anyway. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I would cry every night, and I wouldn’t stop crying. Then again, how would you feel if you lost a piece of your heart? Would you go crazy over them, wishing they could come back and things would go back the way they were? Let me tell you, I did go crazy. I did wish things would go back to how they used to be. But after waiting for him for several months, and finally got to have him back, things were not like how they used to be. So many lies were spread, and I felt like I was pushed away for trying to help. Thus, ending our relationship. We remained friends, but it got harder and harder, because I was still in love with him. He had a piece of me I never got back, (not literally).
Towards the end of our relationship/friendship, he had completely changed. And no matter how hard I tried to be there for him, I was the one always getting hurt. In the end, he gave me what I wanted, and that was to go back to the way things were. And it was going really well.. Until I blew it. Good things come to an end. He officially left my life. My biggest regret was not telling him how I felt when things were normal again. Would life turn out differently if I would of told him? I’ll never know. But at the same time, I’m kinda glad I didn’t tell him, because I wouldn’t have the things I have in my life now.
I’m not going to lie, I still have that diary where I save those messages he sent me. I still have those drawings I drew of him in that diary. And, I still have that old notebook full of lyrics I wrote about him. He was a HUGE part of my life, and sometimes it is hard to let go without closure. I know most of you won’t read this because it is too long. The reason why I am writing this is because he just had a birthday, and he would of turned 24 today.
Humble Goat Prince, if you are reading this: I know we never got our happy ending. Even though I got mine, I only wish the same for you. From, your former Goat Princess.