Hey everyone! I haven't updated in a bit, my apologies for that!
I've been high, and low, and here and there, but I'm still kicking. I've had so many interesting dreams these last couple months, many I feel are either too disturbing or inappropriate for this website. I will get into my latest important dream soon enough, but first some life stuff!
I recently bought a gouache pallet, and have been practicing my art skills! Maybe I'll show a couple of my pieces here when I figure out how to do that. I find painting to be really relaxing, and I'm able to clear my thoughts or anxieties for a bit. every time I paint I get a tiny bit stronger I think.
Besides painting I've started to practice meditating. I am starting to get the importance of being kind to your brain, and to not hurt it with harsh words, because it's an extension of you. I'm very grateful to my partner and my friends who have helped me understand this.
Anyways, I know why you're really reading. You wanna hear about my wild dreams! After having some revelations about the many uses dreams can have, they've been getting less exciting and more to the point of the meaning behind them. It's very helpful for working with my mental illness, but not so great for story subjects, although that's just my opinion. I'm going to copy and paste the text I sent my friend describing my last major dream. Enjoy!
My dream starts off with me on a bus, going west. It was crowded and I was sitting in the front right next to the bus driver, a 50 year old guy with stubble and red round eyes. The driver was talking at me, telling me I'm evil and that I'm why society is collapsing and calling me slurs, this young guy was agreeing with him and they were both calling me slurs and putting me down. They were close because the young guy took this bus often. I desperately tried to get off at the next stop, but I was forced to stay until we were at a station.
It starts to like merge with previous dreams I've had before here of being at bus stations and running away.
The second half of the dream is a little frightening I feel, I got on another bus to this building shop apartments, I don't know why I was there, but I saw someone I knew in high school. He was really kind in my dream, and guided me into the building. I had business here, but I don't remember what it was. We were walking down this old wide hallway, the colors start to get less muddy looking and become a tiny bit brighter but still dull. It feels like the smell of fish, but I didn't mind I just needed to use the restroom. We go up this really weird stairway, that I can't describe, to this lecture hall that was in my other dream except it was filled with all these old people. Everyone, on his floor was here for a christian thing, and my mom was here, I didn't pay much mind because she's really religious, but the preacher at the desk was really mean looking. I knew he was just trying to manipulate everyone, but I needed to find a restroom first. My friend told me that all the restrooms on this floor were occupied and took me up one more floor to the children's bible study floor, I was very nervous as I didn't want to get in trouble for being trans, but I thought I could be quick. I go to the women's restroom, because I'm a woman, and the lady running the bible study class tells me that next time I should use the men's restroom, in a patronizing way. I told her to screw off and left, she projected a scowl onto my brain trying to guilt me, but I was brave enough to wave it away. I start crying because of all this psychic damage I was taking from transphobes and go down stairs to my mom, but the preacher used me as an example of why society has collapsed. I tried to get my mom to leave, but she wouldn't stop arguing with me about how I'm her son, when I'm not, and I yelled at her and left.
Anyways that's my dream and my life update, I hope you enjoyed this journal entry!
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